Today our daughter Bo is five years old. Bo has been nearly five for a whole year now, so we are all super excited. Being a child is such a big adventure, and so too is being a parent. Below is a rough draft of a poem I wrote, called Becoming a Dad. Some poems are born all at once, and others become poems over time, just like children and parents become themselves over time.
Happy Valentines to you. Here is a poem about love that encourages us to make every day of our life a celebration of love. I wrote it last week, and read it out for the first time at our Personal Best workshop in London last Friday. I hope you like it:
When they ask you what is your religion, tell them that it is love.
And if they ask you what is your politics, tell them that it is also love.
If they ask you what that means, you can tell them your philosophy is love.
If they want to know anything else about you, tell them your favourite occupation is loving.
And don't forget to tell them that your nationality is love.
And that even your blood group Is love.
Not everyone will stick around to hear what you say next, but fear not.
Family and friends may get busy so as to pretend to forget what you just said.
It’d drive them crazy now to know that their blood group is also love, that their nationality is love, and that the real work of their life is love.
One day they will give in, and then their philosophy will be love, their politics will be love, and their religion will be love.
Love gets us all in the end. We all of us disappear back into love eventually.
Over the next five days I am co-presenting Coaching Success with Ben Renshaw. This program explores the essential principles and practices at the heart of the Success Intelligence project. The night before a workshop is always an interesting time. It’s as if the workshop has already begun. The effect of the next five days is already working on me. I feel excited, and nervous. I enjoy the anticipation, and I am anxious to get started. I notice a sense of curiosity, and also a knowing that the whole of my life is going to benefit because of what happens over the next five days.
In essence, Success Intelligence is a meditation on the question “what is success?” On Coaching Success we will look again at what true success means for each of us. One of my favourite exercises is creating definitions of success in 144 characters or less (where did I get 144 from?!). This exercise is quite a challenge. You have to be focused, clear, specific, and direct. Initially, you may draw a blank. Your first attempt may not be that great. Never mind. Keep going. One of the benefits of meditating on “what is success?” is that you will get clearer.
My success in 144 characters (or less): Success is being present in my life, living from my heart, thinking the thoughts of God, and allowing the grace of the soul to steer my course.
Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is the day we show our love to one special person in our life. This is a lovely thing to do. That said, I feel that Valentine’s Day would be even lovelier if we made it a day to show our love to everyone in our life. Everyone must also include our self too. Maybe we could start a new tradition. Starting from today.
Below is a short poem called “Loving Everyone.”
If you want to find someone to love, I recommend you start loving everyone immediately.
Love will find you if you are being the love that you are.
If you want to learn how to love someone with all your heart, I advise you to fall in love with everyone a little bit more.
Loving everyone is the key to loving someone.
And if you want someone to love you more, I urge you to get on with it, and to start loving yourself.
Someone has to do it. It may as well be you. Show us how it is done. So that you make it easy for us to love you too.
“When do I feel most authentic?” This is the question I have been asking myself over the last week, in preparation for a workshop I am presenting tomorrow (Feb 1st, in Central London) with Ben Renshaw and Avril Carson called Authentic Success. Each day, for the last seven days, I have set aside 15 minutes to stop, be still, and sit with the question, “When do I feel most authentic?” Each time, I found the first five minutes or so to be very difficult: my mind would go blank, my heart wouldn’t register any feelings, and my body would get fidgety. I noticed I’d try to convince myself to cut short the fifteen minutes. Maybe I could read some inspirational quotations on authenticity instead. Someone else can do this for me.
Authenticity feels so natural, so why isn’t it easy? As I continued to sit with my inquiry, I gradually made contact with myself. It’s like I’d been away from myself, but I didn’t know it, not until just now: caught up in the habits of my personality; thinking thoughts all day long; busily trying to be someone; and putting on a face for all the other faces out there. Who is the real me? Not the personality that is manufactured in the world. The real me. Not the empty self that always wants something. The real me. Not a tinned version of a soul. The real me.
I kept sitting. I did not leave myself. I wanted to know my real thoughts. I wanted to feel my heart. I wanted to breathe more deeply again. My inquiry into “When do I feel most authentic?” felt frustrating and delightful; mysterious and illuminating; healing and joyful. I have long believed that being authentic is the key to success, happiness, love and all good things; but I have also experienced the fear of authenticity and so on. Such is the drama of authenticity. Such Is our daily challenge; and our daily choice. Success is recognizing who you really are; and happiness is letting yourself be you.
I hand the inquiry over to you now. When do you feel most authentic? Don’t let anyone else do your homework for you. Take fifteen minutes to stop, be still, and make contact with yourself.
The DAILY EXPRESS published an article today, “10 Steps to Happiness”, that outlines my ten tips for facing blue Monday, the economic recession, and for rediscovering your joyful side.Here is the article in full.Enjoy.
UNTIL recently psychologists dismissed happiness as a “pleasurable emotion with no evolutionary value”. The theory was happiness feels good but it isn’t useful. However research reveals happiness has a powerful effect on the brain that helps you to think broadly, to come up with creative solutions and makes you generally more resilient.
In short happiness helps you to bring out the best in yourself. Follow my tips below to rediscover your joyful side.
1 The big rethink
Real, enduring happiness cannot be bought. Research confirms that money is important for basic needs like food, rent and clothes. However the link between higher income and increased happiness has been described in one study as “surprisingly weak” and “virtually negligible”. In fact a third of all millionaires are less happy than the national average.
2 Have a reality check
Work out what is truly important to you. Research shows people with consistently high happiness scores prioritise their life according to the things they value. They’ve worked out what is most important to them and don’t allow themselves to get sidetracked.
3Do you need more?
In recent decades our purchasing power has more than doubled which means we can afford to buy more stuff than ever and yet more stuff hasn’t made us happier.
To be happy you have to know what you really want. After all, you can never have enough of what you didn’t want in the first place. True happiness isn’t a thing or a commodity, it’s something you cultivate and share.
4Discover life’s riches
Money is important but it is not everything. Make a list of everything in your life that is more precious to you than money. Think also about everything you already have that money can’t buy. Obvious examples are family, friends, health, laughter, creative hobbies, your imagination and spirituality.
5 Be positive
Research shows that life circumstances influence your happiness by only 10 per cent in the long-term. Obviously life events have a short-term effect. A loss of job or divorce can be devastating. Winning the lottery or falling in love can be wonderful at least initially but the key to being happy in the long‑term is not circumstances but attitude. Set an intention to enjoy today 10 per cent more than yesterday. Back up your intention with three specific actions like calling a friend, smiling more and doing something you love.
6 Treasure relationships
Investing time, energy and attention in your most important relationships will increase your happiness. A recent study confirms that having rich and satisfying social relationships is the key difference between people who are quite happy and those who are very happy.
7 Make time for fun
Most of us are so preoccupied with life’s chores that we can sometimes forget to enjoy ourselves. Make a commitment to having fun. See your best friends and make time for your hobbies and passions.
8 Count your blessings
Keep a gratitude journal. Write down at least three things a day you are either thankful for, made you smile or genuinely inspired you.
9 Have faith
People who have a strong spiritual faith report greater than average happiness. Research shows practices like meditation, prayer, yoga and tai chi can help you to de-stress and feel more balanced. Most importantly, a spiritual faith encourages us to look past our individual egos.
10 Look after yourself
To be happy you must never compromise on your health. Getting enough exercise and sleep and eating a healthy diet will improve your mood and energy levels.
To order Be Happy by Robert Holden (Hay House, £9.99) with free UK delivery, call 0871 988 8367 (10p/minute from BT landlines) with your card details or send a cheque payable to Express Newspapers to: The Express Bookshop, PO Box 200, Falmouth TR11 4WJ or order via expressbookshop.com
