Oprah.com: 10 Keys to Finding Happiness

Today is the official UK launch date of Be Happy. It’s published by Hay House UK, and Jo Burgess in publicity is keeping me very busy doing articles and interviews for radio, press, TV, and online. As a result we are busy updating the Media Appearances section at www.robertholden.org and www.behappy.net. Do check it out.

Today, Oprah.Com has published an article of mine called 10 Ways to Finding Happiness. If you want to read more, click here. To wet your appetite here are my first three suggestions:

Define Happiness

What is your definition of a happy life? Are you living it? Think carefully on this because your definition of happiness will influence every other significant decision in your life. For example, if you think happiness is outside you, you will make happiness into a search, a catch, or a reward that you must earn. If, however, you know happiness is inside you then happiness becomes a compass, a teacher, and an enabler that helps you to live your best life.

Accept Yourself

Without self-acceptance, you will limit and block how much happiness, prosperity, love, and success you will enjoy. The miracle of self-acceptance is that if you are willing to accept happiness already exists in you, you will begin to experience more happiness around you. The law of acceptance is what activates the law of attraction. Being willing to accept yourself is the first step to bringing out the best in yourself.

Follow Your Joy

There is a world of difference between searching for happiness and following your joy. Following your joy is about listening to your heart’s desires, noticing what truly inspires you, and recognizing your soul’s purpose. A good starting point is to reflect on the question “When am I at my happiest?” People who follow their joy discover a depth of talent and creativity that inspires us all.

Real Happiness: What is the Real More you Want?

Anna Pasternak (pictured left), author and journalist, attended the recent Real More workshop held over two days in central London. She has written a personal account of her experience that was published in the Daily Mail on August 24th. Her article is entitled “More Please: More money, more security, more certainty... would it really make us any happier?” Anna’s trademark style is hugely personal, insightful, and witty. Whatever she writes about she always gets to the heart of the matter. Her article is a great read.

Have you heard of the term “static happiness?” Ever since happiness researchers have measured happiness and well-being levels they have noticed an interesting phenomenon that is, in spite of the fact that we have more of everything we say we want we are not any happier. For example, in the US, when people were asked in 1940 to score their happiness, the average answer was 7.5 out of 10. Most recently, the average answer is 7.2 out of 10. There are similar scores for the UK, Japan, Australia and other countries.

Try this exercise: take a moment to score how happy you were, on average, from 0 to 10, when you were 7 years old. For example, 7.5 out of 10. Next, score how happy you were when you were 16 years old, 21 years old, 5 years ago, last year, and today. What do your scores tell you about your relationship to happiness? Are you happier today than before? Are you suffering from “static happiness?” And what about the future? How happy do you think you will be in one year’s time? And in five year’s time?

What is the real more that would help you to be happier - starting from now? Think not just about “getting” and “having” and “attracting” and “receiving”; but also about “being” and “giving” and “noticing” and “appreciating.” Give this important question some of your best attention. You have the answer within you right now. As Anna Pasternak highlights in her article: the key to happiness isn’t more stuff; it’s more clarity.

The Real More workshop received rave reviews, and we will definitely be running it again next year. Dates will be announced soon.

IEA Conference: Joy of The Enneagram

I am in Las Vegas this weekend to give the opening keynote at the annual conference for the International Enneagram Association (IEA).  I feel honoured to be asked to give the keynote and I am looking forward to taking in a number of lectures given by leading teachers of the Enneagram including Russ Hudson, Jessica Dibb, David Daniels, Helen Palmer, Tom Condon, and Marika Borg.

My friend Marika Borg introduced me to the Enneagram one fine day in Helsinki in 2003.  I consider the Enneagram to be one of the most effective psycho-spiritual models for healing and happiness that I have encountered.  I feel the Enneagram is a great blessing in my life.  It has helped me to understand myself better, and also to love and appreciate others more.  It is also integral to my work with Success Intelligence and The Happiness Project.

My Enneagram highlights include:  a weekend workshop led by Marika Borg at my in-laws’ home for family and friends; the Riso & Hudson Enneagram training program shared with Avril Carson, Ben Renshaw, Lizzie Prior (my sister-in-law) and Evie Prior (my mother-in-law); and also one particular, life-enhancing conversation with my brother, David.  And the journey continues – starting this weekend at the IEA annual conference. 

If you are new to the Enneagram I encourage to visit the Enneagram Institute,  home of Don Riso and Russ Hudson.  Take their RHETI test, to get your Enneagram profile.   I recommend all their books, particularly Wisdom of the Enneagram and Personality Types. 

The Real More: "The Start of Something Wonderful"

This morning I begin a two-day workshop in London called The Real More. This workshop is billed as “A Series of Meditations on More.” It is an invitation to reflect on what is the real more that we most want in our lives. More specifically, what is the real more we want to be, to know, to experience, to give, and to receive. The first principle we will explore is, when you know what you really want, you stop wanting more of everything else.

I am joined on The Real More workshop by my friends Avril Carson, Ian Lynch, Lizzie Prior, Bron Wilton, Candy Constable, Charlie Shand, and Robert Norton - each of who will help to create an event that is rich in poetry, meditations, music, inquiry, conversations, and exercises. I have a strong sense that this weekend will be the start of something wonderful - opening us all up to new levels of prosperity and joy. The Real More will begin with the following poem, which I wrote especially for this event, entitled “The Start of Something Wonderful.”

It's time to do
nothing.

Start doing
nothing immediately.

Make doing
nothing your work
today.

Do nothing,
and do not even make
it a technique.

This doing nothing is
a divine opportunity.

It interrupts the past.
It changes the future.
And your soul is ready
to act now.

Doing nothing,
in its purest form,
is receptivity.

Your non-action draws to
you extra
possibility.

Doing nothing is the start
of something
wonderful.

It is what an orchestra does
to sound the first note
of a symphony.

It is what each of us must do
if we are let the divine
act through us.

Doing nothing
is holy work.

Out of the nothingness,
a new adventure
begins.

Starting
from
now.

Poem: "Prizes of NOW"

Hello Monday morning!
It's the start of the week. Just another week, or, maybe a brand new week. Our choice, I imagine. Monday mornings are the perfect time to think again about what is success and what is happiness. Ten minutes is enough to clear the mind, to listen to your heart, and to align yourself with what is truly important. But I urge you to do it before the busyness kicks in and before the daily rush takes you away from yourself. Do it now. To support you in your meditation here is a poem I wrote called "Prizes of NOW."


This constant busyness is not really
my life.

The urge to keep moving forward
is not it either.

The daily schedule is mostly a
distraction, truth be told.

If I was to stop, I mean really stop,
I fear I might lose my way. But I
am already lost.

If I was to stop, I mean totally stop,
I fear I might fall apart. But my
life is already in pieces.

If I was stop, stop, stop,
I fear I might die.
And yet, because I will not stop,
I fear I am not really alive.

It’s in the spaces that exist in the
chains of busyness, that
I find myself again.

It’s when I stand still, even for just
a moment, that I win the
prizes of now.

It’s when I am willing not to be too
busy that I really start
to live.

Happy Father's Day: Becoming a Dad

Becoming a Dad

A conscious intention to enjoy being a parent is one of the most loving gifts you can give your child.

Parenting is a spiritual path: everyday, another lesson in what is real; everyday, another teaching about love; everyday, a chance to become who you really are.

With that in mind, I offer you a poem I wrote called "Becoming a Dad."


You don’t just become a dad
once.

It happens many times over with
the same child.

When your child is born, you
become a dad.

And when you take your child home
for the first time, you really
become a dad.

When you rock your baby to sleep
in the early a.m. hours, you
become a dad.

When there is no one else to clean
up the sick, you really
become a dad.

And when she smiles at you,
not just with her lips, but with her
eyes and her heart, you are
anointed and blessed and you
become a dad.

Across the years, in every moment
that passes, you become a dad,
and you are given a chance to be
who you really are.

One day, as you sit there, waiting
for a business meeting to begin,
or something, it hits you. Really
hits you. Between the eyes. “I
am a dad.”

A real dad.

And as you smile to yourself, your
heart takes off, like a big balloon,
floating high into the sky.

Relationships - The Heart of Success

Today the Success Intelligence team is hosting a half-day master- class on Success Intelligence in the heart of London. Ben Renshaw and I are co-presenting. This event also coincides with a celebration for the launch of our S.I. website this year. One of the themes we will explore today is relationships are the heart of success.

So many of us have grown up with parents who sacrificed themselves for the family, and who sacrificed their relationships with family, friends, and partners for their work. Our challenge is to make sure we do not repeat the same mistakes. Success does require sacrifice. Specifically, it requires sacrificing what is not important for what is. With that in mind, I invite you to read the following inventory, taken from my book Success Intelligence.

In the name of success,
how many bedtime stories am I prepared to miss?

In the name of success,
how many family dinners am I happy to give up?

In the name of success,
how many dates with my partner can I afford to lose?

In the name of success,
how many friendships am I willing to discard?

In the name of success,
how many weekends have I resigned to throw away?

In the name of success,
how many school plays am I prepared to miss?

In the name of success,
how many kisses good bye will I not make time for?

In the name of success,
how many beautiful sunsets together will I sacrifice?